Dystopia Of Desolation

=)

2008-03-07T22:31:00.001+08:00

ACC, C6... Ok... not the best i wan.. but... not the worst too... sooo... i'm guess god gave me face huh... was telling my aunt.. ACC.. its a sign from god tat i should apply for accountancy... haa..

nothing like a game of pool and beer with ur best buddy... =)

SIA LA

2008-02-17T14:19:00.000+08:00

whao... been EONS stince i last posted something... HAHA... is the new world here yet ? woot...

meh... waiting for my results... sial la... this sucks.. i hate waiting... pray can do well sia... ><

well.. on the other hand... at least i'm getting better at bball.. whee... but still needa work on my rebounding... and getting rid of my laziness... haa...

sial... she remove bracers le... pretty =)

lost

2007-08-25T10:23:00.000+08:00

65 or 64 more days to Alvls... and i'm still not studying... at least for the past one wk... damn shit... i'm feeling damn lost... i duno wtf i wan anymore... hell.. i caint even find a good enough reason to be retaking my Alvl again....

can you pls stop forcing me ? if you wanna know... i'm breaking soon... and when i break... i tend to be a nihilist... i will break alot of other things.... a hella of other things...

went bballing yesterday... man.. i suck... caint even do a proper jump shot... -.- my body dynamics feels weird... well, on the bright side... i did block a couple of shots... FULL blocks ya... guess i still belong to the basketball court... at least down there... i get a sense of belonging... and i get to enjoy myself playing...

ello

2007-07-22T21:56:00.000+08:00

ello... i'm back.. missed me ?

anyway... blogging.. hmm... me prelims results... BED D7... sigh... still pretty sucky ya ? maths and chem was disappointing... physics.... BAH... didn't study no shit for it... and my results are better than my chem... which i mugged for one month... wtf ? -.-

anyway... finished both the harry potter movie and book...

hmm... the movie was lamentable... disappointing... so much of the plot was cutted out... it was like... the whole show is racing against time... also... so much of important and intangible parts of the book were sadly left out... one part which i felt impt.. was the part when the weasley kids heard tat harry potter was seeing through the snake which hurted aurther weasley... well... guess tat emotion and feeling would be veri hard to be played out... the scared, distrust among friends... there are still a couple more of such scene which i cannot recall nwo... so much of the book was cut away.. such tat the story is like... veri incomplete and has many loopholes... ><

well... the book... WAS MASTERFUL... the emotions was so beautifully written out... the first blow was when harry's owl died... if the movie is gonna be following the plot.. guess the actors will have a pretty hard time acting and emanating the emotions and feelings to the audience... anyway... shan't say much abt the plot.. at least for now... lest i face the wrath of any of my blog readers who hadn't finish reading the book... but hell, i love the emotions and the politics among the different characters... a whole new dimension of albus is introduced in the deathly hallows too...

anyway... enjoy... and perhaps after it... lament the end of harry potter... well, not much can be said... rite ? since it ended with such a masterful stroke of the pen... well, at least to me...

Cheerios

hey big ling, take care ya ? cheer up... jiayou !

post common tests

2007-06-30T11:03:00.000+08:00

aaa... common test juz finish... played whole day... play com, read story book, play bball, eat, sleep... SONG...

feeling veri weird... i feel like.. as though i'm alone... alone in this whole world... sigh...
but... i was alone to begin with... guess will always be alone? lonely...

yawns

2007-06-18T00:48:00.000+08:00

yawns... ate at kuishin-bo today... father's day and my bro's bdae ma.. haha... den walk ard suntec... got meself a cheap orange watch for $15.. hee... den wanted to get berms... but... aunt nag nag nag.. den abandon ship lo... think will look for berms when i'm on cruise to KL... hee.. pray it will be cheaper there ? oh ya.. need to look for a new wallet too... my is getting old.. ><

anyway... one more wk to common test.. let's see... hmm...

CHEM- more or less alrite le.. onli need to reread my organic chem and electrochem... C i hope ? C for Choong-er ma.. haha..

Maths.. my stats lo... and complex and vector i guess... still pretty lousy at them most prolly C or D... ><><

PHYSICS- WHAO... lotsa things still have cover yet.. crap.. ><><

GP... HUANT AR... my reading articles... from my gp CT until now = 0... WOOT... lorraine's so gonna rape me when the next time she ask to check my reading log... ><><
ms lee say our class the GP compre CT... swee ar.. =x not a good thing... hope can get a pass too.. ><

Well, leaving on wed on cruise at 8pm... and reaching singapore on fri at 2pm... not much of a trip eh ? waste of money imo.. so.. tat loosely translate to slacking for a day(thurs) nia.. since wed will be studying till i leave.. and fri can study when i come abck on 2pm... >< but... who will ? =P most prolly will be out bballing... =P

Been gaming too... although not as much as last time ( a good time ya)... back to darkeden, but its the china server this time... woot... sooooo long nvn come into contact wif chinese le la.. ><><

goin to slp soon...

eh.. big ling, take care of yourself ya... dun fall sick at this time k? get well soon alrite ? panda always love his big ling.. =) hug hug.. =) drink warm water lo.. avoid cold water alrite ?

beautiful song.. =)

2007-06-11T16:52:00.001+08:00

If I were blue, would you be there for me,And whisper in my ears that's ok.Would you stand by me, let me hold you tight,And say you love me one more time.
If I feel good, would you slow dance with me,And touch my lips with tender loving care,Would you die for me, would you run with me,And never look back..
Would you be there to love, to be with me?Would you swear that your love is always true?Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?
Would you be there to love, to be with me?Would you swear that your love is always true?Would you say that you'll always be the one,to take my breath away?
Would you be there..
If I will wait, would you still think of me,And wished that you could hold me now.Would you die for me, would you run with me,All the way ...Would you be there ..... for me ...

bah

2007-06-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

wa lao... went out wif my aunt they all for the WHOLE day... basket... ><><>< ARGH

well... on a brightside... i get to see you on thurs !!! =)

sorry

2007-06-05T16:18:00.000+08:00

PASS ME BTT !!! WOOT

hey... realli sorry... didn't feel the sms vibration last night.. sorry for not being there.. =(

get well soon k? hug hug... =)

=.=

2007-06-05T00:22:00.001+08:00

com couldn't boot up for 1 hour... tat earned me an hour of scolding by my aunt... who insists it was MY fault... &%!*@&(*#%_#$^#

argh... tml... BTT... hope get my ass through at my go man... lol... as hui shan says.. will be a disgrace to fail BTT... BUT... smart ass who said tat hadn't even taken it... so.. who is she to judge ya?

hey big ling... take care ya... if still feeling queasy go see a doc k? =)

=)

2007-06-03T21:17:00.001+08:00

tralalla... had a pretty nice weekend... had me hair cut... now last thick... haha... woot... damn shiok head massage by joe eh...

bballed juz now... ROAR... lol... had fun... but... pretty solo eh... =x plus my dribbling sucks... need to improve man... ><><><

new bag...

2007-06-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

hee... got a new bag from adidas... 30% off la... =)

oh ya... UBI driving centre is 2 stops after the kaki bukit prison sch if taking 59... any kind souls out there can cfm wif me ma ?

dun have to feel bad k? My silly Big Ling... =)

crap

2007-06-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

holyshit.. next tue is my basic theory test... and i haven even touch the god damn book... oh wait... where did i throw the damn book... CURSES... ARGH...

any idea how to get to the ubi centre ? 8 or 59 ar ? drop where ar ? kayu la !

worse come to worse... i taking the god darn cab down

hmm?

2007-05-31T14:03:00.000+08:00

V-day 2day... haha... well, studied abit.. but... got gathering... Zzz... too noisy to study wif those darn kids ard... haha...

cheer up alrite ? sometimes... its juz not worth your attention ya... =)

=)

2007-05-29T19:10:00.000+08:00

sorry guys... couldn't join ya all for the games ya... cheers...

well, had a gr8 time at the beach... was.... nice eh? so tranquil la.. =) talked alot... onli regret was 4getting to take any fotos as memories ya... =( thx for the papers... =) juz wat i need...

well.. cya soon... in abt a month's time ? sigh...

hmm...

2007-05-28T23:11:00.000+08:00

sigh... guess the uni rejetions are beginning to set in... well... time to get into gear again.. this time... its for real.. not some half hearted attempts... =)

juz got back from me class's chalet... was good ya... 10 wks... and we've bonded pretty closely.. too bad i'm not staying over... lol... well... cya guys tml again lo.. i guess...

yea... wed.. is THE day... MUG...

oh ya.. on a sidenote... saw auntie clara today... lol... k la... dun look like auntie now... =P dun box me ya... hee...

=(

2007-05-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

hey... i'm sorry ya... not ignoring you... i juz have the habit of oning the com and doin stuff la... sorry...

i'm sorry ya?

hee

2007-05-24T16:01:00.000+08:00

hehe... someone is jealous eh? sorry lo... try not to do tat again lo... =P oink oink

=)

2007-05-22T19:28:00.000+08:00

passed me nafpa... woot.. 1212 for me run... woot... 7 pull ups... wat more can i ask for ?? thank you for your support ya... having you to think abt is a great impetus for me to run... =)

SLIVER... yay!!! BBALL for PE ! WOOT

take care..

2007-05-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

aiyo... on long time medication for TB now than tell me... -.- Take care k? pls take good care ya? know its torturous to be on loong time medication and stuff... but... persevere k?

=)

2007-05-21T19:06:00.000+08:00

yawns... i'm bored... oh ya.... juz realise someone within my ranks is a serial child abuser... OMG...

hmm...

2007-05-20T21:40:00.000+08:00

weird.. its weekends... and by right... i should be like in coma till noon... but.. these two days... i keep waking up at like 10am... -.- plus.. my sleep is fragmented... kept juz waking up in the middle of the night... wth la... >< gp jitters maybe ?

well.. next wed is my last BC lesson... should i continue wif it ? man... its like onli 4 continuing... the rest finds it not beneficial to them... sigh... ><

hey... you try to sleep properly k? i'm afraid you will breakdown sooner or later k... Te Amo... =)

pissed...

2007-05-18T20:30:00.000+08:00

fucking hell... lost not one by 2 games to the dick juz now... i'm feelign damn pissed... shouldn't lose one... dunno wtf was wrong wif me... kept missing WIDE open shots... -.- SUCKS....

stunned

2007-05-18T16:15:00.000+08:00

any idea how afraid i was to find out this is jzu a dream ? a veri sweet dream at that...

I will miss you...
Te Amo... =)

hmm?

2007-05-18T16:13:00.000+08:00

i, i..... i'm stunned... realli stunned...

Sigh

2007-04-12T15:51:00.000+08:00

well... a month back in sch le... haha... not bad ar... the class... super crap... finally met someone more disruptive and lamer than me... lol... man... i pale in comparison to those guys man... tom, sam, terrance... haha...

anyhow... life is still alrite imo.. but... sian la... well.. at least i'm doin all me hw now... ok.. physics apart... ><

well.. i miss you lots... when free to meet up?

and you... yes you bitch... where is me sniper shirt ? been harping on it since last yr... Grr... i wan sniper shirt ! if not... i'm gonna anal you... ROAR....

><

2007-03-14T15:04:00.000+08:00

i dread monday.. can it like dun come? i'm goin back to sch... darn it... it sucks... it realli fucking sucks... esp i'm goin back as a retainee... >< nvn thought i will get retain.... ARGH...

Retain Lee (Retainee)

2007-03-12T00:22:00.000+08:00

voila... i retain... god damnit... >< well.. CDD, E8... sigh... i applied for NTU,NUS, UNSW... hope one of them gives me a positive reply... sigh... for now.. i guess i'm donning the green uni again for a couple of months... Brilliant... -.-

Alvl results

2007-03-01T19:23:00.000+08:00

well... TML is the BIG day... ><><

Anyhow, Hannibal Rising is a damn nice show... cya soon k? =)

Well... all the best to all out there... ciaoz...

'zombi'

2007-02-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

well... i think tat's the old spelling for a zombie... or issit the original word from some unknown language which it is derive from?

Anyway... a zombie would be better off than me... at least it doesn't feel any pain...

anyway..... STUPID INDO BOY... KIN COME BACK LEH... so long le... when you come back... you see wat ting and me do to you... ROAR...

i wan to bball!!! 5days nvn bball le ! hand itch sia...

pretty free... anyone wanna go out wif me ?

Oh ya... hey bitch... your shirt still wif me... when ya wanna claim it back ? oh ya... and me sniper shirt!

Valentine's Day

2007-02-10T18:46:00.000+08:00

Well... V-day next wk... and... i'm alone again... sigh... lonely valentine... cliche... yet... true?
So any takers out there ? movie ? lunch ? anything...

So how... the numbness has gone a deeper degree... to the pt where i dun care much anymore... frankly... i caint even be bothered to go figure wat i'm feeling now.... at least my feelings towards you...

anyhow... Happy Valentine's Day To All... =) Hope ya will all have a gr8 time k? and those tat are alone too... lol.... why not gimme a call? haha...

hooked to this song... 求佛... i love this verse... --> 为了你, 穿上厚厚的伪装 and 我在佛前苦苦求了几千年愿意用几世换我们一世情缘... nice rite ? too bad... i dun think i'm tat noble....

tired

2007-02-02T11:56:00.000+08:00

damnit la... my sleep... realli dunno wtf is wrong la... last night... i went to bed at 12am... den 2 am wake up... for no reason... den 545am wake up... den 755 wae up... den 940 wake up again... fuck... so fragmented la... ><><

YAWNS....

numb...

2007-01-23T13:58:00.000+08:00

well.... i dunno... i'm feeling pretty numb now... like alot things all heck care le... dunno... guess its like getting shot by a gun... the first few moment is hell.. den after tat... you go numb... well... dunno whether its a good thing...

Anyway... happy birthday bei en... haha... teach me ma jiang ! i wanna learn... hee....

ouch..

2007-01-18T19:53:00.000+08:00

i haven slept a wink for the past 2 wks... weeping helplessly... nvn cried so bitterly and so helplessly b4... dun think i can take much more... yyet... cry so hard... so bitterly... why caint i fall asleep? at least my pain will be gone for a few hours...

where's the cheerful you? the witty, crazy gal tat i knew ? i realli dunno you at all now... this new sombre, fustrated you... caint you go back to wat you were ? i wan to help... but i dunno how to... nor do you wan it...

i'm hurting... bleeding veri badly... my heart... dun feel whole again.... but still.... i will wait... i dunno how long... but... pls come back to me? =(

Depressed...

2007-01-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

sigh... suppressing the urge to cry realli sucks ya know... when i watched the my date wif a vampire... i thought tat was lame... but in reality... it realli hurts... alot... =(

Anyway, wat's wif the stigma of the males shredding tears to be a sign of weakness ? tat sucks...

still... even if i was to break the stigma... and cry now... wat's the pt ? its juz merely a waste of time... it doesn't serve anything and deepen my pain and grief... Yet again... to feel tears welling up at my eyes... and not being able to release them... it realli sucks....

well.. i guess this bout of depression is here to stay... for sometime... i guess... hope i wun get suicidal... bah... who will care anyway ? =(

Anyway... good bye to you... i guess... this time is for real ? Best wishes too.... bye...

Manifestation of poignant memories, taking shapes of needles, stabbing my ripped heart repeatedly...

ouch

2007-01-11T21:14:00.000+08:00

this sucks... so wat am i ? a back up? a stand in ? a substitue ? it realli hurts to know tat k... wtf... maybe i shoulda juz ignore you asking for my company... last night.. you said you dowan me as your friend... juz now.... den.. now... fuck la... screw it...

...

2007-01-11T12:33:00.000+08:00

my heart hurts..... i'm think i'm gonna have a heart failure soon... sigh... read your email idiot... i've nvn seen a stupider girl than you... walking into a trap knowingly...

Have you any idea how much you hurt me when you tell me why should i care ? Have you any idea how much my heart hurts ?

Blehh...

2007-01-02T19:15:00.000+08:00

This sucks... after playing bball for like 2 years... i stil suck at it... blehh =x... maybe i should quit bball... >< Zzz...

Anyhow.. its 2007... 2 more months to my enlistment... of course... tat is if i bloody get my ass through my As... tat's a veri BIG if... ><

o.o

2006-12-22T14:47:00.000+08:00

yawns... i dun care anymore... i'm tired...

haiz...

2006-12-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

man... most of my khakis all enlisting le! my gaming dudes... sigh... sigh... i march sia... Zzz... sian... budden oso like good... dunno la... still reading the prince... haha... tat's the onli exercise my mind is getting.. oh ya... i juz bought the plato's republic... >< stupid book costed me 36 bucks.... =.=

anyhow... my life now... BBALL... lol... juz keeep chionging bball... hee.... macham like a loser eh? juz bball everyday...

Updated..... happy? lol... now you owe me 5bucks... miss queenie... =P

Dying...

2006-11-27T17:03:00.000+08:00

dying soon... gastric flu... again... >.< Plus fever... zzz... Plus someone juz wun quit fighting wif me over little things... wth... caint you hear from my voice i'm like half dead? =.=

Tat's it... Updated... After nagging from suky... haha...

Sigh...

2006-11-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

Alvls... seems to be like a flash... it passed so fast... somehow... i still feel i'm inadequately prepared.... blehh... yes yes... i know i shouldn't be blogging now... budden... who cares?

Had a talk wif fay not too long again... its abt relationships... well.. i guess what he said is true... it all juz boils to having someone to witness your life.... someone you can share everything with... yup... i kinda agree and can understand wat he meant... sigh....

Why am i typing all these ? I'M BLOODY LONELY LA... Practically no one to share my happiness... my saddness with... sigh.... =(

Well... on the bright side... at least the Alvl is not TAT shocking... i can actually do more or less most of it... well.. or least attemped most of the Q... other than physics paper 2 and maths paper 2... up till now... most of the paper is alrite... alrite= at least i bloody understand the questions... haha... its a stark improvement k... considering the fact during prelims i was still goin.. wtf... did we ever learn tat shit...

Anyway... i've come to the end... realli hope ITS THE FUCKING END TO MY JC LIFE.... i so fucking dowanna repeat again la... crap... HELL... Recruit Lee sounds better than Retain Lee la... Even though imo... the latter kinda rythms.... but... lol... i dowanna retain...

Still searching for my witness... will you be mine?

sadden...

2006-11-09T19:50:00.000+08:00

sigh... feeling veri down now... my maths paper 2 !!! Moans... haiz... minimum 35 marks gone... sobs... so sad... haiz...

Tml my bdae !!! Sigh... life sucks... caint even pass my bdae happily... haiz... =(

OWNAGE la...

2006-11-07T12:06:00.000+08:00

ownage!!! fuck... i was still playing darkeden juz now... blehh... den later got maths paper... SWEE la... fuck... i'm screwed...

Sigh...

2006-11-06T14:29:00.000+08:00

die die die die... like study like crap... chem still cannot rmb any shit.. man... Argh... realli dowan to retain... blehh blehh..

ZOMG OMFG

2006-10-31T17:40:00.000+08:00

1 more day to my GP paper... 16 more days to end... OMG OMG OMG OMG... i feel so totally not yet prepared la !!! ARGH... how how how?

Die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die....

Ack... Can i do it ? blehh...

!!!!!!!

2006-10-26T18:25:00.000+08:00

7 days to start.... 22days to end... ack.. i still cannot study la... this whole afternoon... bleh... onli did 1 question of the equilibirum... MCQ somemore... >< Argh !!!! Think can prepare to fail la ! Argh... i dun like it ! Grr.... realli dowan to fail ! ARGH... ROAR !!!

Anyway.. had a dream last night... dreamt tat i beat simon up... cos he bar me from the exams... lol... man... tat stupid ang moh... say wat i nvn turn up for te day camp... den tat shows tat i'm not interested in gp and thus bar me from my gp exam... blehh...

I'm sick... and tired... x.x

Tired...

2006-10-25T13:33:00.000+08:00

I'm tired... very tired... my body.... cannot take this any longer... blehh... feel likee as though its gonna crash soon... x.x

So fucking sick of my life... can i end it?

bleh... =x

2006-10-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

yawns... slacked for the past 2 days... yawns... l8ter need to write compo... if not.. l8ter fay anal me... blehh.... 'The problem with singapore is that majority of her people are too conformist'... Do you agree.... sheesh.... tough topic imo... =x

Burp... juz came back from dinner... mum's bdae.... den i bought a AND1 bball shoe !!! black and red ! sooooooooooo cool la.... den a new bball... blehh... i'm 110 poorer... =x

why should i care?? blehh... fine i wun care anymore then...

Soooo shiok la... slack for the past few days... yawns... i see shan nick... lol.... i guess it applies for me... lady luck like not ard... think she took a looooooong hols...

frankly... after all these years in the education system.. i've nvn felt this way b4... soo... stupid... so... destined to fail... am i realli fated to take As again? Sigh...

A panacea to humam problem? i doubt there will be one...

sigh

2006-10-20T14:04:00.000+08:00

checkmate i lose... blehh...

Yawns...

2006-10-19T15:32:00.000+08:00

damn lag now... not the com...me... slow response time... =.= yesterday played abit bball... damn lag la... bleh... -.-

Anyway... 14days... weet... i'm sooooo screwed... my sciences still macham like fuck... onli good thing... i finally know how to do basic wector questions ! lalala... and gp compo at least not writing crap le... haha... otherwise... still preparing to retake next year... bleh... >.<

all of a sudden... got urge to play dota.... budden the urge died of pretty quickly... now is the insane urge to play bball la... sigh... 30more days ! must tahan... bitch coming l8ter... wonder how did my essay fare this time...

yawns la... tml my aunt dragging me to tm to company her buy her 3G fone... rubbish la... how the hell do i benefit from this ? i wan a new fone too ! fine... my fone is new la... erm... 7months old ? budden w800i is not 3G la ! i wan the black and orange W850i ! tat's COOL... or a clamshell fone will oso be nice... lalala~

14days to start... abt 30days to end... Yawns... time flies... crap.... not enuff time...

Yawns... 16 days left ?

2006-10-17T12:10:00.000+08:00

Man... 16 days left... and i'm still learning new things everytime i read my notes... =.= GR8...
Anyway... 2day goin out... wif an old friend... realli old... know each other like wat... since primary 3 or 4 ? lalala....

Yawns... still have to write a compo for tat fay l8ter in the night... Bleach...

And so it ends

2006-10-10T12:31:00.000+08:00

i've sang my final tune....... and hence the end of the first chp... Didn't know time can fly so fast when i'm doin something so sian too... Sigh... crap la... yesterday supposed to be studying physics de... end up... nvn do any shit... >.< Chem... got LOTSA things to catch up la ! biochem ! electrochem ! FUCK... oh ya... NMR!!!! still dun understand a shit abt it...

2day another long day.... oscillation... waves... and superpos... >.< i know NUTS abt them la can... =.= Zzz!

And So The Engines Of The Unfeeling Fate Sets Into Motion...

歌手:张信哲

歌名:信仰

每当我听见忧郁的乐章
勾起回忆的伤
每当我看见白色的月光
想起你的脸庞
明知不该去想
不能去想
偏又想到迷惘
是谁让我心酸
谁让我牵挂
是你啊
我知道那些不该说的话
让你负气流浪
想知道多年漂浮的时光
是否你也想家
如果当时吻你
当时抱你
也许结局难讲
我那么多遗憾
那么多期盼

你知道吗
我爱你是多么清楚多么坚固的信仰
我爱你是多么温暖多么勇敢的力量
我不管心多伤不管爱多慌不管别人怎么想
爱是一种信仰

把我带到你的身旁
喔哦....
我知道那些不该说的话
让你负气流浪
想知道多年漂浮的时光
是否你也想家
如果当时吻你
当时抱你
也许结局难讲
我那么多遗憾
那么多期盼

你知道吗
我爱你是多么清楚多么坚固的信仰
我爱你是多么温暖多么勇敢的力量
我不管心多伤不管爱多慌不管别人怎么想
爱是一种信仰
把我带到你的身旁喔哦....
我爱你是忠于自己忠于爱情的信仰
我爱你是来自灵魂来自生命的力量
在遥远的地方你是否一样听见我的呼喊
爱是一种信仰
把你带回我的身旁爱是一种信仰
把你带回我的身旁

SIAN

2006-10-06T23:55:00.000+08:00

so fast... fri le... crap... 'stock count'... erm... onli ionic and chemical equil REALLI settled... den... periodicity 3/4 done... ok... 100% done = study the notes... plus tys mcq and long Q from TYS ( from 1995~2005) i'm kinda shorta time you see... den... 3/4 done... means until MCQ... still got Long Q... Zzz... den... erm..

Transition Metals... trying to fucking study it... budden... EMPTY NOTES FUCK... so.... been flipping at the tys... poking at the worked solution... and you know wat... the onli things i know from tat fucking chp... all Olvl stuff... Zzz... Guess put transition metal under KIV first until i can get the bloody notes...

Erm... 2day electrochem... cannot even concentrate la! my mind keep drifting off to bball... >.<
So... onli managed to read through the notes... and giggling... the ZINC electzon! haha... man... Tml and sun... biochem... hope can squeeze in the transition metal and electrochem lo... >.<

Oh fuck... totally 4got abt it... NMR... CB.... tat pig lecturer de i think... CRAP... the notes all RUBBISH.... >.<

Maths... even though it was on the agenda... Well... didn't even do a single fuck of maths this wk... >.< FUCKING NEED TO FOCUS ! NO TIME LE LA CB.....

Anyway.... i'm hooked to this song...

歌手:张信哲

歌名:不做你的爱人

我不会哭不能让视线都模糊
你就像一幅画一座雕塑而不是我生命的包袱
爱要结束就不要虚伪的祝福
爱你等于爱上一种艺术
又何必对自己那么残酷

不是你的爱人不流一滴眼泪
不再为了陪你喝一杯咖啡
让你整个夜晚不能够好睡
不能再和自己幸福作对
不做你的爱人不管你的是非
不能否认其实只是爱你的美
不只你的咖啡会让人醉
再美丽的风景都会忘记
我一定会

我不会哭不能让视线都模糊
你就像一幅画一座雕塑而不是我生命的包袱
爱要结束就不要虚伪的祝福
爱你等于爱上一种艺术
又何必对自己那么残酷
不是你的爱人不流一滴眼泪
不再为了陪你喝一杯咖啡
让你整个夜晚不能够好睡
不能再和自己幸福作对

不做你的爱人不管你的是非
不能否认其实只是爱你的美
不只你的咖啡会让人醉
再美丽的风景都会忘记
我一定会

不是你的爱人不流一滴眼泪
不再为了陪你喝一杯咖啡
让你整个夜晚不能够好睡
不能再和自己幸福作对
不做你的爱人不管你的是非
不能否认其实只是爱你的美
不只你的咖啡会让人醉
再美丽的风景都会忘记
我一定会

Last Month...

2006-10-02T16:30:00.000+08:00

It has been a long path... now... my last month of mugging den i will be free from books for the next 2years... Good ? Bad? frankly... i dunno either... Good because i will be free from the shackles soon... bad... cos i haven finish my revision... Hell... i'm just embarking on my revision... >.<

Anyway... this will be a long month... One whole month of confinement... Guess the onli days when i'm goin out of the house is.. 11 Oct... for my IPPT retest ( yeah... i suck)... and 18 oct... for my grad day... take my leaving cert...

Yawns... Juz finish planing my timetable... Zzz... first wk... All the chem topics i dunno... plus maths... Second week... purely physics... Zzz... den last 2 weeks... overall revision.. guess i will alternate between the 2 sciences everyday... Gonna be damn boring... kinda wished i had taken econs... >.<>

Something Which i wrote a while back... haha... I'm losing my touch... man...

The Storm

Dark clouds manifesting, as the cynic cries

Flashes of lighting, illuminating

Clashes of thunder, echoing around

Howls of icy winds, as the eyeliner freezes

The sun cowered, usurped by the insidious clouds

Dried leaves rained, decorating the empty streets

Birds took flight, leaving bits of feathers

Tracing the boundaries of the clear skies beyond

this cynic seeks comfort within himself

knowing he was merely a cypher in her eyes

A final roar, as the clouds release their rage

The sky cried, washing off the tear stains...

Hmm...

2006-09-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

For the past few days, it seems everytime i talk with you over the fone.. we always end up fighting... seemingly everytime is my fault... wat? caint i whine too ? i'm onli human... And can you STOP yapping abt natalie... i'm not even interested in her... sheesh... just because i always play basketball with her... doesn't mean i like her k...

Caint i whine ? i'm onli human... i have times when i wan someone to juz fuss over me... to juz... i dunno... 'entertain' me? why must i always be the one to 'entertain'?

True... we are no longer together... yet... when i tell you i love you... i wanna hold your hand again... i mean it... so CAN YOU FUCKING STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE I RATHER HOLD ANOTHER GUYS HAND ?! its funny for the first few times... but after that... i dunno.. .it juz hurts?

I'm not as strong as you think i am... i'm... breakable... i caint smile and laugh always when you rail and rant at me...

Back...

2006-07-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

back... soo long nvn update le... frankly... didn't have the mood... didn't wan to look back and reopen the wounds... time will heal all wounds ? well... it can... yet... the scars will still remain i guess... well... its over... period... Sigh... it was nice to be wif you... Seriously... guess i'm juz afraid to lose you... Tat's why i'm so possessive... Its hard too... to show concern without being too possessive...

Anyway... can we still ? Realli wan to be wif you... =(
Sorry for all the hurts and the harsh things i said to you... Sorry... for not being able to make you feel secure..... Sorry for not being there when you wanted me... Yet... Didn't you too ? Not tat i'm blaming you... Guess we are onli human... And i caint be always there yar ? I realli love you though...

A Confluence Of Poignant Memories... Illuminated The Cracks Of My Broken Heart... Sobs...

Yea... I'm A Jerk

2006-06-13T15:28:00.000+08:00

I'm a jerk... a fucker.... a loser... still got ? motherfucker ? Anymore ?

You are wif me... for wat fuck ? cos you needed my help ? Cos wat ? you wan your friends to continuing to believe you tat we are fucking cousins ? Nah... I will give it a pass fuck... If you are being friends wif me juz because of all these... den plz... go away.... I can do without you... Get anothere guy to hang out wif... Oh ya... get one who knows how to take care of you.... Get someone rich too... I'm too poor...

I'm gone k... BYE

w00t

2006-06-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

WooT... me back... lol... after getting bugged by shan shan on why i nvn update... here goes...

*plz contain your laughters*

yes... i've been VERI busy these few days... GAMING.... haha... my ass.... you all be astounded ! I've been like mugging my ass off for the few days for my physics and chem common test... Zzz...

anyway.... now i'm like worried... cos first.... i'm flying off like next fri... realli worried cannot finish on time... Zzz... second... i think after the constant mugging.... my dick seems to have grown smaller ! man... it shrank.... lol.... Bring back memories huh ? * honey... i shrunk my dick*

*plz... stay on the chair... dun fall off laughing so hard !*

Anyway.... mugging is shorter to type den studying... so... takahina... i'm not robbing ppl ! haha...

Ciao... should i like mug l8ter in the night ?

hmm...

2006-05-28T23:22:00.000+08:00

I juz realise something... i have a veri short fuse these few days.... seem to flare up at the slightest thing... Have a feeling i'm gonna turn violent again... -.- This is bad... After all these years... i've kept the beast caged within me... It had been aslp for so long...

Dead..

2006-05-22T13:43:00.000+08:00

Died a few wks back....

Wateva... Rushing for maths common test now...

Hooked to this song...

Cold By Crossfade

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

To you, I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

I never meant to be so cold
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope

...

2006-04-23T12:17:00.000+08:00

Have you any idea how happy i was when i hear your cheerful greeting ? And how suicidal i was when you gimme tat old voice when you find out tat it was me on the line ? have you any idea how much an 'i love you' from you meant to me ?

..

2006-04-23T12:13:00.000+08:00

It realli hurts... You can have laughters wif your friends and all... yet why do you treat me so coldly ? It seriously fucking hurt alot...

Should i cry or smile ?

2006-04-22T16:48:00.000+08:00

Had a heart to heart talk wif sher... Realli... dunno how did we end up like this... are we realli tat far apart ? Realli dunno wat path to take... but... i realli do love her... Yet... I'm confused...

Let's juz like nature run its own course ba... See wat cards we are dealt wif... I Love You...

Can we ?

2006-04-20T17:06:00.000+08:00

can we like talk abt the problem ? since its hurting both of us... oso taking a toll on both of us... Think i'm goin to have a break down soon... seriously... it realli hurts... can we talk abt it ? solve it ?

I'm realli breaking down soon...

I Love You...
Realli hope we can end with a happily ever after... Can We ?

...

2006-04-19T19:05:00.000+08:00

Can i tell you something ? All humans have a temper...

You have been acting veri strange for the past few wks... and it realli sting me k.... It HURTS...
If you are having problems... why dun we talk abt it ? I dowan to be onli able to share joy wif you onli.. i wanna share your problems too... share your burden... not be a burden to you...

I guess... if you wan some time to cool off... and be alone to think... i'm not stopping you...

I Love You... Can you plz stop treating me liddat ?

>.<

2006-04-15T22:36:00.000+08:00

look... i'm veri sorry k ? i realli dunno wat else can i say... sorry and more sorry ?

Wat else do you wan me to do ? I mean... i realli dunno where i did wrong... Like... you keep answering me wif dunnoes... caint you tell me ? den i wun do the same thing in the future... I'm realli sorry tat i couldn't go wif you... I know i promised... But... sorry k ?

Can i be bolder ? Will you treat your friends like this when they couldn't make it for the appointment ? Den why am i getting such treatment? The coldness... Tat voice tat literally to ask me to fuck off... I'm not expecting you to like give me special treatment ya know... you told me you see everyone as an equal... Yet... you get my pt ?

I know it sucks to get jacked... Hadn't you did it a few times too ? Did i treat you like this ? Maybe i'm juz being childish or selfish... Can i ask you to forgive me ? And can you like tell me wat your angry wif me for ? So i wun repeat the same mistake again...... Plz ?

I'm sorry... k ?

Will you allow someone selfish and childish to love you ?

plz...

2006-04-13T15:24:00.000+08:00

wat's wrong wif you ? why are you treating me so coldly ?

Dun reply my smses...

Cannot hold your hands

Caint kiss you

Talk wif me like i'm some stranger

Yet... you talk wif your friend so cheerfully... so... joyfully... Wat did i do to deserve such treatment ? It hurts you know... Realli hurts...

I Love You...

ouch

2006-04-03T18:18:00.000+08:00

i've realise a bad habit of yours... you like to say dunno to anything and everything when you are feeling down or angry... This realli puts me in a difficult position... i dunno whether to probe anot... Whether i'm the cause of your saddness... whether you will find me annoying if i probe...

I will always be here... plz... talk wif me... =(

One thing i'm sure... I Realli Love You...

Beneath This Mask Of A Laughing Court Jester, Cowered A Confused Cynic Seeking Your Love... =(

why ?

2006-04-03T17:05:00.000+08:00

must you always do this to me ? It hurts.... Hurts alot.... 1 thing i'm sure... i realli love you...

sorry...

2006-03-30T17:20:00.000+08:00

think i was being over-reactive... sorry dear... cos you tat day suddenly say you wan to break up... den den.... you these few days treat me so non chalently... >.<

It sucks to feel this way k....

I Love You...

???

2006-03-28T16:29:00.000+08:00

I getting annoyed... Feeling a taint of anger... You dun use to be like this... keep hanging up on me... not replying my smses.... onli reply me when you are bored... onli called me when you are bored... replying me willingly... or wif tat tone tat says you dun wanna talk to me.. Seriously... is there something wrong ? plz dun tell me dunno... i'm realli helpless alrdy k ? Realli at my wit's end... =(

I love you... Seriously... Love you a whole lot...

hmm?

2006-03-27T19:02:00.000+08:00

Underneath This Mask Of A Laughing Court Jester, Cowered A Weeping Boy Seeking Your Love...

ouch..

2006-03-26T19:51:00.000+08:00

can you pls dun suddenly sasy you wan to break up ? it hurts you know... sobs

Studying...

2006-03-21T19:18:00.000+08:00

haha... its nice to be studying again... lol... my brain... has been dormant long enuff.... let it be awaken ! MUGGING... anyway... let's see how long can i keep this up... haha... 3 days at max ? =P

Zzz... got 5.5/60 for my physics test... LOL.... lowest in my class... now ong keep aiming me... fucking irritating... better get better results in the next test to get him off my back... =)

the sleeper has awaken !!!
I shall rule this land once again... rise my army...

Sorry if i caint pei you much now... sorry dear... sorry...
I love you...

Sobs...

2006-03-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

Tears flowing..... I'm realli in pain now... Wat's wrong ? can you pls dun answer me wif merely dunno and maybe ? I hear you talking wif your friend... filled wif laughters and jokes... yet... when you talk wif me... Its all stony and cold... am i becoming a burden to you ? a hindrance ? =(

sobs...

Issit something i did ? or said ?

Can i still love you ? will you love me back ? cos i realli love you... Sobs...

Sigh...

2006-03-14T21:30:00.001+08:00

kao... realli fucking nice way to start my hols man... lost my wallent 2day... along wif $100... my ez-link card worth ard $20... plus my atm card.... Zzz...

Dun feel bad dear... Its not your fault..k ... so no funny ideas... =)

Love You...

Sigh...

2006-03-14T21:30:00.000+08:00

Hols...

2006-03-13T18:21:00.000+08:00

fucking nice way to start my hols man... got food poisoning... -.-

Sorry dear... cannot go out wif ya 2day... sorry

i love you

Sorry....

2006-03-07T15:48:00.000+08:00

JUz read dear's blog... sorry... didn't know i was making you so insecure... sorry....

I love you... may i ?

poof

2006-02-28T17:49:00.000+08:00

i'm speechless... no word can describe 2day... =)

wow

2006-02-26T18:15:00.000+08:00

realli with cap locks WOW... had a surreal time at the stadium this morning... how i wish time would juz stop den... Oso veri scare tat its all a dream... and i would wake up to find all is juz dust... =)

I love you dear...

hmm?

2006-02-17T20:14:00.000+08:00

Sigh... Got dear a new test tube... end up... kanna scolding... plus she cried... Sorry... Realli didn't mean to make you cry.... Sorry... Its a v-day gift ma... Sorry...

Let's see... We had a belated v-day celebration on wed... haha... we had a nice meal at popeye... damn nice ok... soooooo much better than KFC... =)

Den 2day watched the fog... haha.... okok la... but the plot got quite alot of loopholes... But on the whole... She' s in my arm... So... wat the heck... =P

Seriously sorry...

Lalala... I love you !
Sorry again...

Sorry...

2006-02-12T14:09:00.000+08:00

Sorry... Forgive me for my selfishness... Sorry...

May I Still Love You ? *sobs*

OI

2006-02-10T14:32:00.000+08:00

damn la ! raining... i caint get out of house !!! MAN... i realli realli wan to be there for dear!!! DAMN DAMN DAMN !

O lvls...

2006-02-09T19:38:00.000+08:00

Sigh... tml her O lvl results coming out le... I dunno how should i feel... Realli dunno... I wan her to be in the jc of her choice and be happy... Yet... i caint bear to let her go... =( Sigh... Am i being veri selfish ??? =(

Realli realli caint bear to... Sigh... Sobs...

I Love You
All the Best...

O lvls...

2006-02-06T21:05:00.000+08:00

Oh wells... her results is coming out this fri.... Sigh... Realli dunno wat to say leh... I mean... dunno how to say... Sigh... A big internal conflict within me... A shelfish part of me wans her to be in tpjc.... Another wans her to go wherever she wans to go... S'long she's happy... Sigh !!!

Love You...
Sorry... I'm being shelfish...

Sorry again...

2006-02-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

So sorry... shouldn't have forced you back home... sorry...

Sorri...

2006-02-02T19:24:00.000+08:00

Sorri dear... I'm so useless... Sorry sorry sorry..

I Love You... May I ? =(

Weeeeeeee

2006-01-25T18:47:00.000+08:00

weee.... had fun at dear's house 2day... lol... =)
First time to a female's house sia... =X

Its fun.... Wat a nice way to spend the afternoon... =)

Love you...

Sorri

2006-01-22T16:22:00.000+08:00

Sorri dear... I wasn't there for you... Sorri... =(

SIGH

2006-01-18T17:44:00.000+08:00

i met my mother-in-law 2day... yay?

Let's hope nuttin happens to piggy... If not... i will feel veri bad... =(

Sorri....
Love You

=(

2006-01-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. Why do i feel like there's an invisible wall between us ??

I miss you... even though i see you everyday in school... But.. We nowadays dun seems to get much private time 2gether... sobs... sobs.... =(

I Love You Alot...
Dun feel bad... Its juz my way of showing i love you... =)

Wat Am I ?

2006-01-08T19:25:00.000+08:00

Had a fight wif my guardian... Wat am i actually ? A fucking dog ? NO i'm a fucking human wif emotions... you scolded me.... insulted my friends, insulted my pride and you fucking wat ? wan me to fucking smile and laugh ? caint i have feelings ? i'm not a fucking machine...

Family... FUCK IT... I've no family anymore... I've given up all hopes on this fucking family... Getting support from family ? FUCK IT... A FUCKING BIG BUNCH OF LIES...

Now i understand why ppl self-multilate... The pain in your heart.. yet you caint do anything abt it... except to numb it wif physical pain...

Realli sorri dear...
I handle my emotions differently... Realli sorri...
Love You

School

2006-01-06T20:47:00.000+08:00

Oh well... First wk of school pass sooooooooo fast... lol... onli lectures and no tutorials ! LOL ! slack like shit man... Well... at least i got go for the lectures ok ! I onli pon one of the physics de lecture... haha.... keep the piggy company ma... =)

Had a lot of bballing this wk.... Almost got my specs thrashed.... Toopid zi xing ! *T%^&$%!)%&& =P

Oh well.... let's hope piggy will be happi here in tpjc lo... she seems to hate tpjc alot now.... lol... the orientation sux imo... haha... she joined squash, tennis, ODAC... haha... oh well... its the first three months... who cares ! her results coming out soon leh ! hope tat bastard at evss allow me in man ! wan to be there for her... =) Can sell tissue oso ma... =P

Well, next wk... my school officially starts lo.... lol... cannot slack le ! must start to get serious... lol... =)

Love You...
Cya on mon !

Sigh

2006-01-04T15:12:00.000+08:00

i realli miss her... I mean... miss having private time wif her.... juz enjoying each other's company.... Sobs... let's hope it will be better after her orientation....

Take care piggy... =)
Love you...
Miss You...

Miss You...

2006-01-03T15:55:00.000+08:00

I miss you so much... =(

Protectiveness ?

2005-12-30T23:34:00.000+08:00

w00t.... Back... sigh... school reopening soon... SIGH !

Being too protective... does it equate to being too possessive ? Dunno leh... This is a way showing i love you leh.... So... If you feel too restricted or something... Juz tell me lo... =)

Oh wells... Wat happen tat night ar ?

Love You...

)=

2005-12-28T21:38:00.000+08:00

plz... dun ignore me again ok ? Realli veri painful leh... I rather you slap or scold me.... Den juz crying on the other side of teh fone... I'm reali helpless.... Sorta panic too...

Cya tml ?
Love You

Late nite talking...

2005-12-27T16:13:00.000+08:00

haha... been chatting wif sher these few nites.. haha... we had a talk abt religion last nite... =)

No offence here... The pt abt otractizing ppl when they dun join church... i totally hate it... i used to have this two pretty close friends, both of them are christian... they wanted me to join them, well... you know me... i didn'y join, so... we kinda distanced ourselves, pressure from their cell leader and stuff liddat... I mean... comon, you mean to even make friends, the condition is to be a christian ? WTF man... This is one big pt i dislike abt those extreme christanity. I lost a good number of good friends cos of their religion(not tat i'm blaming them). Hope this will not happen to US... if it does... I will realli realli realli hate christiany, something i do not wan it to happen....

Still, i feel christiany is pretty restricting, confining even. I was a christian, i feel tat its juz now the religion i wan, its too stifling to me... suffocating me.... Straggling me...

i'm still reading on cosmology, i may not find the answer to whether god exist, but... for now... i believe in him, he's my source of reassurance, a source of comfort. Yet, i believe, all these different religion, is juz diff ways of expressing his presence and ultimately how we can communicate wif him. So, why do we have fights like islam up against christiany. This world has gone crazy ! =)

Anyway, another pt here. We will nvn be able to prove the existence of god, the finite will nvn understand the infinite.

Love You Lots